Geneological Artifact

My sister gave me this desk ornament as a Christmas gift back when she was around 7 or 8. I think I must have been working on my Eagle Scout Award at the time because on the box it had a picture of an eagle, rather than a wolf, which is why she bought it. She still apologizes that it wasn’t an eagle, and I still assure her that I love it. In fact, I love it now even more than I did. There are quite a few reasons this arrowhead desktop item has become one of my most treasured possessions, but I will only have room to discuss the two that are at the heart of its symbolism to me: the whole arrowhead itself as a symbol of my love and relationship to my sister, and the wolf as my personal symbol.

Alexis is my only sibling, and being ten years apart has its challenges. I’m sad to admit that one of these challenges was often being considerate and active in my love and relationship to my sister. I was not horrible to her, in fact I do also admit I was a very good big brother; however I still regret not choosing to spend time with her more often and being more attentive and sensitive to her needs as my baby sister. I liked her little gift, which I kept on my desk, at first more for her than for me, but when it came time to pack for college I almost didn’t pack it so during my attempt to not bring too many knick-knacks. My mother saw that I was leaving it behind and inquired. I decided to bring it, and in that moment the symbol became a metaphor, as it represented my change from the selfish teenager, to the fiercely-loving big brother I had, eventually, began to become. She means more than anything in the world to me, and for that alone, the fake arrowhead is precious to me as it represents that love I have for her, and my resolution to never again take her for granted or give her anything less than the absolute and utter best that she deserves.

The second part is the wolf. When she first gave it to me, I had no connection with a symbol of the wolf. It looked cool, but nothing more. In fact, the eagle actually had more meaning at the time, to be honest. That changed in college, when I came here, to BYU. I was once asked by a great mentor what my favorite animal was (to use as a motivational symbol) and I told him a wolf, though that was far from what I was going to say. I don’t claim any mysticism or spiritual origin, but I did contemplate why I subconsciously named the wolf as my symbol, and I found it incredibly fitting. Like me, the wolf is a pack animal that needs to belong, and yet is also prone to be a loner, hence the term “Lone Wolf”. I am the same way. I have been blessed with many wonderful friends, but I’m always an add-on, an included member, rather than an actual member myself. I’m a part of the group, yet always apart. I still don’t completely understand why, but it’s apparently what I’m currently comfortable with.

Why do I love this so much? Why does it mean so much to me? It represents who I am.

Artist's Statement:

This assignment gave me the chance to take a wonderful walk down memory lane and find something that I could truly identify with. I found it. In fact, ironically enough it was my first instinct and inclination, but I decided to look through all my stuff, both at my apartment and my parents’ house. It came right back to this desk ornament. To me, identity is everything. I really struggle to find my identity, and so whenever I find something that I identify with it is extremely important to me. When I do find it, I cling to it. Take my favorite color for example. Even as late as early high school, I never had one answer for my favorite color. Turns out, it’s blue, specifically royal blue. In consequence, anything I can buy blue, I do. The very sight of blue makes me happy, makes me feel at home. Strange, yes, but there it is. To me, identity is precious, because it’s been so hard to find what I have. So this object, as you can tell, means a great deal to me, because I identify it with myself. It is a very special symbol to me.

The writing portion was probably pretty hard because it required me to expose myself in a way I haven’t before. I don’t recall ever vocalizing my connection to the symbol of the wolf, and frankly I hope it’s not misunderstood. It’s a precious, hard fought-for knowledge that defines myself. My little desktop item is like my totem in Inception, a reminder of who I am, and anchor in reality. Interestingly enough it also serves as inspiration. Its design, meant to feel old and with the spirit of unity with dangerous nature, acts like the keys in “Unknown Keys” from the readings. It both inspires me to continue one, to understand and accept myself, as well as provides motivation and inspiration to write and create stories. It’s me.